When Grief Deepens Instead of Fading
💔 Real Grief Doesn’t Fade – It Deepens with Love
"Real grief is not healed by time… If time does anything, it deepens our grief..."
—Henri Nouwen, Healing After Loss
🕯️ The Frightening Truth About Grief
At first, this idea is terrifying.
Grief deepening? Will I ever feel better?
But as days pass, I’ve started to understand what Henri Nouwen meant. As time unfolds, so do memories. The more time we have to reflect, the more fully we realize who our loved one truly was to us.
Their love—the kind we may have taken for granted while they were alive—becomes clearer, sharper, and yes, sometimes more painful in their absence.
🕳️ The Depth of the Loss
It has been 24 days since Mark passed away.
I thought Bryce and I were managing. But today, it hit me—we’re drowning.
Neither of us is sleeping. I feel like I’m spiraling.
Even the computer, my comfort tool, feels like a stranger.
I told Bryce today, half-joking, half-serious, “Maybe we should just sell everything and live in our car.”
Because the weight of expectations, bills, and grief has begun to feel heavier than a roof.
🌊 When the Waves Feel Too Big
The last few days have been unfamiliar. Disorienting.
The meditations from Healing After Loss still help, but even they feel distant lately.
It’s all too much.
I’m overwhelmed.
But somewhere, under it all, a whisper surfaces…
You are not alone.
💞 Love Revealed in Absence
This pain isn’t weakness—it’s proof that love was real.
Grief crashes in waves, not because we’re stuck, but because we remember more clearly each day.
In the silence.
In the gaps.
In the sudden memories that catch me off guard.
Mark’s love is everywhere.
He’s not truly gone. His love is transforming—from presence to legacy.
🫶 A Need for Soul Rest
Right now, everything in me is crying out for rest.
Not just sleep, but soul-deep rest.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Not waiting for us to be okay, but sitting with us in the not-okay.
It’s okay to pause.
Even now—especially now—God is here.
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28
💗 Just for Today… Survive
If today all you can do is survive—
That is enough.
Let your tears come.
Hold your child close.
Let the world slow down.
Breathe.
Even in your unraveling, you are held.
Love,
Dyan
💜 Dyan’s Grief Support Resources:
🎥 Watch my daily grief reflections on Flip
📚 Explore my grief tools and comfort books
📖 Read my memoir Divine Light
Some links may be affiliate links. Thank you for supporting my healing journey.
*Hickman, Martha W. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Grief Recovery (p. 200). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
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